Welcome to October, Have a Nice Day

I love sarcasm. I mean, I really, really love it. It’s so versatile. You can use it for mere snark, or to punch people in the face with words, since actually punching people in the face is generally frowned upon. Thankfully, there is no such social taboo surrounding sarcasm, allowing you to deal with all the annoying and/or generally stupid people you have the misfortune of having in your life, often without them even realizing that you just insulted them to their face.

Now you may be wondering ‘why on earth is she talking about this’? Well, the answer is that October is, among many other things, National Sarcasm Month! Unless you live in a different country in which case… well, it’s not like sarcasm becomes any less effective if you live somewhere else. Unless you speak a language that doesn’t translate sarcasm well. But then again, if you speak English as well, you can still be sarcastic, and if you don’t then you are left unable to read this and thus all of this rambling is a moot point.

In other news, we survived the apocalypse–

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This time, I will forgive you. This time.

Which should be no surprise to any of us, after the guy who predicted it said ‘wait nope never mind’. Guess I’m having surgery after all. Which is good, because it’s been scheduled and the date is October 30… so if I post something that makes no sense in that general time frame, it’s probably the painkillers.

Probably.

Or maybe I’m just being my usual incomprehensible self, which is always, always, always an option. Which reminds me of something else–October 6 is National Mad Hatter Day.

This pleases me.

And on top of all that, this month is home to my brother’s birthday and, of course, the creepiest time of the year… for those not lying in a hospital bed recovering from major surgery, of course. While I’m incapacitated, the rest of the world may, of course, continue as usual. Have fun! Dress up! Eat candy! Give your dentist enough money for that new yacht!

But for all of you who are still excited about It, well, um, you do you, but please do it somewhere else. Do not send clowns to my hospital room. Do not send clowns.

Please?

D&Designer Babies

My brother is bad at distributing stats.

Now, if you asked him, he wouldn’t say that. In fact, I think he would disagree emphatically. (In fact, when he reads this, I’m probably going to be in deep trouble.)

But he really is, you know. (I’m sorry, brother dear, but you do not apply all your stat-boosting items to one character in a four-character party! You just don’t! Unless you want to find yourself at the end of the game, with three characters who are essentially useless, completely helpless against the final boss… oh wait, you did. And this is why I’ve beaten it twice and you haven’t.) It’s a complete mystery, dear readers, how he manages to so thoroughly beat me at Risk and other strategy games when he so thoroughly dies due to poor strategy. (Yes, the character was cool; no, that does not excuse terrible strategy.) And the point of all this is to say that my brother’s terrible stat-distributing skills got me thinking about ‘designer babies’.

Which is a weird concept in and of itself. Not one that makes me particularly comfortable. I mean… The idea of genetically altering human embryos in order to create desired traits sounds like something straight out of science fiction, and I love sci-fi and all that, but…

Well. I’ll be perfectly blunt. According to most of the world, I’m probably not the be-all end-all of desired traits. (I can’t see why. I mean. I’m awesome, right, guys? …right?) For one thing, I’m a wimp. (My wimpiness level is over 9000…)

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I love you too, Marisa.

To say nothing of the fact that I lost track of all the mental issues I’m dealing with. (This does not count Aspergers. It is not an issue.) I mean, I stopped counting them a very long time ago… There’s at least five, varying ranges of severity…

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But it’s the truth, Marisa.

And how many medications do I take? I believe, at last count, the number was four different types, four and a half pills specifically…

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It’s getting old, Marisa.

And for icing on the cake, despite being a redhead and being supposed to be able to create my own vitamin D, to make up for the fact that I can’t absorb it as well as non-redheads… well, I don’t. So I have to take that, too.

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It’s gotten old, Marisa.

And, well, judging from the fact that parents of autistic children have forced them to drink bleach, and the whole vaccine issue mentioned previously, much of the world doesn’t agree with me on the whole ‘Aspergers not being an issue’ premise.

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Die in a fire, Marisa.

*cough cough, waves away smoke* Where were we? Oh yes. I wasn’t getting rid of an annoying girl who keeps repeating the same thing over and over again… Definitely not. I would never do that. I mean, that’s killing! And killing people is my least favorite thing to do.

Anyway, the idea of designer babies kind of freaks me out, mainly because if it were widely accepted, chances are that people like me would end up… well, not being born. Ever.

And that’s kind of upsetting.

But then my brother’s terrible stat-distribution skills reminded me of an extremely popular game that I have, in fact, never actually played. Those of you who paid attention to the title may know what I am referring to. That’s right, we’re talking about Dungeons & Dragons.

Specifically, their attribute system. For those of you who, like myself, have not actually played said game, a brief overview is required. I may get things wrong. Please do not yell at me over the internet. In short, each character in D&D(and many other RPG systems) has ‘attributes’, or skills, really. The six main attributes are Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Charisma, and Wisdom. The points you can put into each attribute differ depending on the edition. But the more points you have allocated to a certain attribute, the better your character is in that area. Of course, to avoid overpowered characters, I’m pretty sure there are limits to how many points you have overall. (Anything else would just be game-breaking.)

This is the way I tend to imagine designer babies… yeah, it’s weird, I know. But still, parents picking out the attributes they want their children to have the most points in, does actually sound kind of appropriate. Of course, then we might have to start assigning people to classes. And as hilarious as it would be to have everyone be warriors, paladins, thieves, clerics and the like, I’m not entirely sure how well that system would actually work in real life.

Except for the people who are good at D&D. I think they’d take over the world. And taking over the world is my job…

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…I thought I got rid of you…

*ahem* If you’ll excuse me, then, I… have to go take care of someone… I mean, something… *wanders off, muttering about witch hunts*