I Swear, Any Second Now…

Today is an auspicious day for posting. I mean, come on. It’s Easter and April Fools’ Day. That’s a great combination and it needs to be posted on, that’s what I decided… several weeks ago.
Then again, I also decided I’d post on Valentine’s Day. Something funny, slightly abrasive, mocking the absurdity of the overly commercial holiday (that started with death and now involves flowers and teddy bears) but eventually giving in and agreeing to compromise–we could celebrate Singleness Appreciation Day, and you could give chocolate to all the people in your life that just don’t care about this thing you call ‘romance’. (It’s been several years since the first time I was told ‘you’ll change your mind when you get older’. How old are we talking, here?) But, as you know, I did not post on Valentine’s Day, and it took me a good while to actually start working on a post for today… and there’s only one crook to blame.

missing-motivation
Wanted, dead or–actually, just dead, not sure you can find it in any other condition.

Now the question is, why? What makes this scoundrel such an evasive, tricky thing? We here at Locked Girl put our best men on this case, and here’s what they have to say:

“We really thought we were getting somewhere at first, but then we just needed to take a break for a while.” –Group A

“We weren’t getting anywhere. What was the point?” –Group B

“…zzzzzz…” –Group D

“Ooh, shiny!” –Group E

“…” –Group F, too busy playing Candy Crush

 

Okay, this is absurd. I’m going to have to do something about this at once. And I will, really, I will.

Just… give me a couple of minutes…

Guess Who’s Back, Back Again

As you’ve probably already guessed, Locked Girl has returned from surgery… Locked Girl is, of course, still in the hospital. But she is alive, for those of you who might have grown concerned… Rather sore, but alive, and mostly fine. And not crooked anymore!

…Being on painkillers has certainly been… interesting. I’ve been somewhere between slightly loopy and fast asleep for the past several days now… and I’m definitely tired, my vision keeps blurring. This is unnatural.

*commence yawning*

But yeah, long story short, my back hurts, my stomach is kind of swollen, and I am in rather severe discomfort at the moment. There is basically nowhere that I can get comfortable. Which is only to be expected, I suppose, since I’m in this state. By which, of course, I mean ‘the state of recovering from major surgery’, not the state in which I live or the one in which I currently reside. As if that wasn’t enough, the drugs have been making it nearly impossible to write properly, which is insanely frustrating. Spelling and grammar mistakes are my enemies. And yet they keep popping up like a particularly persistent pestilence. For example, just a little while ago I first wrote ‘dedide’ instead of ‘reside’. How did I manage this fantastic error? I wish I knew. Instead, all I know is that writing on drugs is difficult. Don’t try it at home, kids. For everyone’s sake.