I Swear, Any Second Now…

Today is an auspicious day for posting. I mean, come on. It’s Easter and April Fools’ Day. That’s a great combination and it needs to be posted on, that’s what I decided… several weeks ago.
Then again, I also decided I’d post on Valentine’s Day. Something funny, slightly abrasive, mocking the absurdity of the overly commercial holiday (that started with death and now involves flowers and teddy bears) but eventually giving in and agreeing to compromise–we could celebrate Singleness Appreciation Day, and you could give chocolate to all the people in your life that just don’t care about this thing you call ‘romance’. (It’s been several years since the first time I was told ‘you’ll change your mind when you get older’. How old are we talking, here?) But, as you know, I did not post on Valentine’s Day, and it took me a good while to actually start working on a post for today… and there’s only one crook to blame.

missing-motivation
Wanted, dead or–actually, just dead, not sure you can find it in any other condition.

Now the question is, why? What makes this scoundrel such an evasive, tricky thing? We here at Locked Girl put our best men on this case, and here’s what they have to say:

“We really thought we were getting somewhere at first, but then we just needed to take a break for a while.” –Group A

“We weren’t getting anywhere. What was the point?” –Group B

“…zzzzzz…” –Group D

“Ooh, shiny!” –Group E

“…” –Group F, too busy playing Candy Crush

 

Okay, this is absurd. I’m going to have to do something about this at once. And I will, really, I will.

Just… give me a couple of minutes…

Advertisements

S is for Snake, Spine, Scoliosis, Surgery… Surprise!

You might have already figured out where we’re going with this. Or maybe you already know, if you’re one of the people I’m acquainted with in the Reality Zone. But yes, in short, Locked Girl is getting surgery.

This whole thing started in early July, I believe… Or maybe late June. Anyway, there’s been this weird thing going with my left side for as long as I can remember(although apparently not that long, but then again I don’t exactly pay that much attention to my left side) and when a doctor finally took a look, he said to go and get myself X-rayed and such because it might be scoliosis.

Well. As it turned out, it was.

unnamed

unnamed (1)

For those of you going ‘is it really that serious?’ Why yes, yes it is. That top curve is somewhere in the early 40s(in terms of degrees), and I believe that lower curve is about 46, if I’m remembering correctly. That’s what we were told by the doctor we visited later, anyway. (Lovely woman. Very pleased by the outcome of the visit, even if it did require leaving the state.) She also said that there’s a decently high chance that it will progress further if left alone…

So, well, we could put me in a brace to try and slow the progression, which would still give me a 75% chance of needing corrective surgery down the road, or we could just take care of the surgery now.

Naturally, I went right for the quicker option. I mean, I’ve had surgery before(on my legs, admittedly, so less of a big deal) and a cousin has had the same surgery at the same hospital. (She has no regrets; it’s only caused one problem, which is to say preventing her from getting an epidural when she had kids… I have doubts as to whether that’ll ever be an issue for me.) So yes, sometime in November I’ll be going in and getting metal rods put in my back, so that’ll be interesting. I’ll have to stay in the hospital for a few days, but fear not, there is wi-fi there so I’ll be able to pop up and say ‘Hey, not dead’. (Unless I am, but that’s unlikely to happen.)

I almost want to try writing something on painkillers… I hear the more potent ones can mess with your head. Might be entertaining to read the result of that endeavor. Or terrifying. With me, you never really know what’s going to happen.

Anyway, that’s a thing that happened. It’ll definitely be interesting, if nothing else. And probably somewhat painful.

(YOLO?)