I Swear, Any Second Now…

Today is an auspicious day for posting. I mean, come on. It’s Easter and April Fools’ Day. That’s a great combination and it needs to be posted on, that’s what I decided… several weeks ago.
Then again, I also decided I’d post on Valentine’s Day. Something funny, slightly abrasive, mocking the absurdity of the overly commercial holiday (that started with death and now involves flowers and teddy bears) but eventually giving in and agreeing to compromise–we could celebrate Singleness Appreciation Day, and you could give chocolate to all the people in your life that just don’t care about this thing you call ‘romance’. (It’s been several years since the first time I was told ‘you’ll change your mind when you get older’. How old are we talking, here?) But, as you know, I did not post on Valentine’s Day, and it took me a good while to actually start working on a post for today… and there’s only one crook to blame.

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Wanted, dead or–actually, just dead, not sure you can find it in any other condition.

Now the question is, why? What makes this scoundrel such an evasive, tricky thing? We here at Locked Girl put our best men on this case, and here’s what they have to say:

“We really thought we were getting somewhere at first, but then we just needed to take a break for a while.” –Group A

“We weren’t getting anywhere. What was the point?” –Group B

“…zzzzzz…” –Group D

“Ooh, shiny!” –Group E

“…” –Group F, too busy playing Candy Crush

 

Okay, this is absurd. I’m going to have to do something about this at once. And I will, really, I will.

Just… give me a couple of minutes…

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Obligatory Post About Zebras(And Other Things)

I promised I would post about zebras, didn’t I? (Yes. Yes, I did.) Well. Here it is, folks, the post you never asked for and possibly never wanted–the obligatory post about zebras(and other things)! (And there’s the obligatory title drop.)

Allow me to show you various zebras. After a while, you may start to feel like you’re looking at a Rorschach test. Or maybe you won’t. I did, but as I’m sure we’ve all figured out, I’m weird.

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This is a plains zebra.

mountain-zebra-5bThis is a Cape mountain zebra.

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This is a Hartmann’s mountain zebra.

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This is a Grevy’s zebra.

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This is a baby zebra.

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This is a Dead Zebra. (Inc.)

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This is a danger zebra.

Also, zebras are apparently black with white stripes. How interesting.

Now that that’s out of the way, I do have a couple other things that just came to mind.

1:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, try getting a restraining order.

2:

What is with urban legends? No, seriously. I’m the creepiest person I know, full stop, and I still don’t understand who the heck comes up with these things. Who thought of a faceless guy in a suit and decided ‘Hey, I’m going to put this on the internet’? Who decided Mickey Mouse needed to be terrifying? (Well, he’s kind of off-putting as it is, but that might just be me.) And let’s not even get started on some of the ones they have in Japan…

What, did you think I was actually going to talk about those? Heck no.

But, you know, when your funny little story about a faceless guy in a suit gets someone stabbed, you might want to rethink your life choices. Just a little bit.

3:

What is with the Flying Spaghetti Monster? No, really. What’s up with that?

4:

Why can’t there actually be a holiday for airing grievances?

5:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

In short, the universe is full of questions, some more bizarre than others. But today you have learned something about zebras, and you now know that they are black with white stripes. Isn’t knowledge wonderful?

An Introduction

Calling upon my limited social knowledge tells me that when meeting someone for the first time, one must, of course, introduce oneself. This is one of the biggest social rules out there, and one of the ones that actually makes sense to me(why do we shake hands? No, seriously, why? I don’t get it) so I shall follow it.

Again, my ‘name’ is Locked Girl, I am an Aspie, and this is my blog. Truth be told, I’ve wanted a blog for a good while, but didn’t get around to actually getting myself one until now… ah, other stuff, right. Um. Again, limited social knowledge means I have pretty much no idea what to put here, so I’ll just… get to all the really deep stuff, okay? Green. Green is good, I like green. I love books, and the ones I really like… I pretty much treat them like glass. Ones in that category that immediately come to mind are Worlds of Ink and Shadow by Lena Coakley, A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro(although that one met with an unfortunate accident and now has a crease in its formerly-perfect cover, I like it better this way), and pretty much anything Sherlock Holmes. But those are just a few, I have way more that I love. You should see the look on my face when someone asks me what my favorite book is. (I’ve never seen it myself, for obvious reasons, but I’ve been told it’s pretty great.)  I hate telephone conversations, I love geeking out over things, I can’t smile for the camera to save my life, and I neither understand nor wish to understand the concept of romance. BBC’s Sherlock is the only thing that’s ever made me scream like a crazed fangirl, and that’s because it’s so beautifully Aspie-ish. Even the producer agrees, so I feel validated in this belief.

I have a strange obsession with the number 17, and the name Charlotte. I’m trying to find a Charlotte who hasn’t had something bad happen to her, but so far, no luck. (I mean, the spider died alone(and she got off the easiest!), Charlotte Bronte outlived her entire family and still died young, and the list just goes on.)

In case it wasn’t immediately obvious, I could get a doctorate in rambling if it were a viable major… Too bad. If anyone would support rambling as a career, I’d be a billionaire in no time.

But that’s enough rambling for now… I have something better to talk about. Something coherent...

A book!

A new one, to be precise. Just got it in today… had to pay ten bucks, but it was worth it. It was all worth it.

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And here we are, folks, The Last of August by Brittany Cavallaro! I must say, I have high hopes for this book. It’s the sequel to the aforementioned A Study in Charlotte, which I thought was quite excellent. (Ask your parents, kids. This one’s a murder mystery.) Pros included the name Charlotte(as mentioned before, bit of an obsession, and she doesn’t get off easily either!), Sherlock Holmes, of course, a plot I found thoroughly enjoyable, generally well-written, humorous without being corny or overdone, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Cons:more romance than I’d have liked, some mature content(not gratuitous though, points to the author for that), language, and a lack of creativity with the naming scheme. Don’t mind that much though; still a highly entertaining read. So yeah, I’m going into TLoA with great expectations, here’s hoping it doesn’t let me down.

 

See you in my next rambling, Locked Girl is going to go read a book now.